like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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