am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
