When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
