My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
