she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
