Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
she told me i tasted like america
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
