Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
