yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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