I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
