We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
