I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
