Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
