you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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