checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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