I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
