Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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