I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
