Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
