I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
