5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
