Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
