can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
