ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
