kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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