omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
