You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
