if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
