It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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