I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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