I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
