Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
