Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
