Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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