Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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