porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
