Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
