hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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