he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
