I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
