If that was your dad, he is hot
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
