why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
