I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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