you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
