do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
