I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
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