He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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