we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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