I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
