Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
