Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
